How Good it is to Remember

We are on the countdown. In 25 days John and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. I cannot believe it. Last night we went out to dinner together and I could not help but notice his eyes...the same ones belonging to the man I grew to love over 25 years ago. It is good to remember and I am doing this now.

Life gets messy at times.
Life gets busy.
Life gets distorted
by rain clouds and thundering skies
and at times we grow weary.
But it is good to remember,
The way it was then.
For your eyes and heart are the same,
yet better.....
And your smile remains.
Could I ever thank the Lord enough
for blessing me this way?
For you have been a constant gift
And I my love for you
Stands strong today.
It is good to remember
So good to remember.

I will never forget the kindness of this man I met over 25 years ago. And his kindness and goodness has remained over the years. The photos above were taken in 1984 about 10 months after we met. I was in the May Court that year at college and he had come to watch and then escort me to the May Dance. I will always remember our first date. We shared a lasagna dinner for two and were so nervous we could not eat it all. Now we cannot share food...especially dessert. We fight over it. I like to take little bites and he takes big ones. So I get mad when he gets more than me.We laugh about it everytime we decide to order dessert to share.

Also on our first date, I remember when he came to my house to pick me up. We took a walk outside to the shore of the lake and he shared with me that his mother had died just 3 years ago when he was a Senior in High School. She died in her sleep. John and his Dad tried to wake her up the following morning but to no avail. I remember how I instantly bonded with his sweet and vulnerable spirit because of his willingness to share something so painful with me on our first date.

Wow, it really is good to remember. We both have changed in so many ways over the years. But this wonderful man is still a gentle and kind soul. I will be sharing more here over the coming days. I hope you will join me as I recall the past...the good and the bad and how God has continually showered our marriage with goodness..no matter the season.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is just hard...and the day to day just hurts. I am grateful for so much. I really do believe I have a grateful heart. But sometimes I just get weary and wonder if anyone cares rather than just the role I play...as mom, cook, cleaner,wife,as one who will give, friend who will there with a listening ear. And it is usually a joy to be all these things. Sometimes I feel like no one cares about my heart. Cry me a river. Well today I am.

Sometimes you just fall into having pity parties and it is that kind of day for me. Stress is thick. Emotions are wild. Would anyone dare to admit such weakness and imperfection? Well, today I tell you that I admit it. Never will I pretend I am something I am not.

Now I go to my room to lay on my bed. Hopefully a nice little nap will help and things will look brighter when I awake...

Enjoy Yourself

This past Thursday I decided to splurge just a little. No new clothes, no jewelry, or a visit to the spa. But artist candy!!! Yes. To me it is like chocolate to the artist's palate. This is one of my favorite magazines. The Artful Blogger. There are lovely photos and artwork with only a minimum amount of wording. I love to look at it for inspiration. Kind of makes my little girl side emerge.
This is another great publication I picked up. It is full of color and unique ideas using mixed media such as paper, paint, glue, fabric, and any other thing you might have laying around.
So I am learning to enjoy myself more and more. I heard someone say that not only does God love the world but He loves us individually. So since He loves me like that, then He must enjoy me too. So why not enjoy my own company doing something fun and relaxing? For you,it might be a nap, a cup of tea with your favorite cookie, a great novel, or a long walk in the woods.
And sketching is something that I discovered I can do only a few months ago. Since I often get wrapped up in deep thinking, this is a great way I can rest my mind and just simply enjoy my own company. And it is okay to do just that....even if I do have a busy life with many dust bunnies and active kiddies. I like myself more and more....and so should you!! Enjoy yourself!

How do spend time enjoying yourself...just yourself alone? I would love to read about how you treat yourself!

Oh and I forgot to mention. Many of you know that I love to write. You can check out some of my articles on www.stageoflife.com (link on right) Just click on the stages titled, Raising a Family,Having a Baby, Highschool, and Grandparents to read the recent essays. Also, you can join the site for free of charge. They have great discounts and coupons of various sorts. The Target coupon is a good one. Furthermore, you can post some of your own ideas and thoughts as well as ask a question for any stage of life you are in . Enjoy!

Love Revolution Needed! Part 1

He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not. He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not. Over and Over. On and On it goes. He loves me, He told me so. Do I really believe it? I do not know!


If someone asked me, "Does Jesus love you?" I would not hesitate to reply with a seemingly confident yes. After all, the first song I ever learned to sing about Jesus proves it. "Jesus loves me. This I know. For the Bible tells me so." Yes, the Bible tells me so, but that does not mean I really am confident in that love. Here's why. Take this little evaluation and be honest with yourself.

1.Do I fear the unknown?
2.Do I fear being unknown?
3.Do I fear not having enough?
4.Do I fear getting caught?
5.Do I fear I will never find the right person to marry?
6 Do I fear debilitating or life-threatening diseases?
7.Do I fear for my children's safety?
8.Do I fear what other people think of me?
9.Do I fear they won't think of me at all?
10.Do I fear crime?
11.Do I fear losing a loved one?
12.Do I fear authority?
13.Do I fear I won't get the things I desire most?
14.Do I fear what others might do to me?
15.Do I fear rejection?
16.Do I fear failure?
17.Do I fear being taken advantage of?
18.Do I fear being alone?
19.Do I fear losing my job?
20. Do I fear people finding out that I am not all I claim to be?
21.Do I fear something bad might happen to me?
22.Do I fear not fitting in?
23 Do I fear death?
(Questions are taken from "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen)


If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then there is more to learn of the true meaning of God's love. And honestly, I believe every human being always has more to grasp,more to learn and more growing to do.

When I was a little girl, I talked to God a lot. I had not been instructed in the lessons of salvation. I had not walked any church isle to the song of "Just as I Am" to make a public declaration. But I did recognize His presence in simple and subtle ways such as in the wind, on my bike rides, sitting by the lake as I watched sail boats pass...the list is endless.And I think He liked it that way!

However, when I was 29 years old and was pregnant with my 3rd child, I began to doubt that I knew Him. I was afraid that my salvation was not secured and that if I did not stand before a church and confess this in some way, I would go to hell. Thus, the fears I had were compounded. I fell into the hidden terror of meeting God's expectations of what He wanted me to do with my life. Consequently, the pattern of my actions led to more about the "doing" rather than the "being".

I feel that many of us live life this way. We want to please God, so we make these mental lists of "I ought to". Then we realize at some point we really do not have the energy to meet up to all these expectations and we end up disappointed in ourselves. And we think, "Well, if I am disappointed in me, then God is too."

Needless to say, I am at another marking point in my life where I am seeing that I have been so off and so wrong about God in many ways. I have misinterpreted His love for me. So I am on a quest with Him to discovering new depths of His love. There is always a deeper place to go with Him. I have so much to share about this. However, I am mostly adamant about a Love Revolution in my own heart.

We hear about the modern religious revolutions and the church revolution and the "this and that" revolutions. But there is no true and lasting revolution without it taking place within the internal landscape of my own being. If I do not truly and deeply know that God loves me. If I am on edge wondering if every bad thing that happens to me is because I am being punished by God, then I am in fear and my love is bound up. I find that I am tied up in a religion more than a relationship and I am limited in the amount of love I can give to God and others.

Yes, God is calling for a love revolution. However, we have to have a true grasp of what that really means. I have to ask myself, " Am I truly living and walking in the affection of God? Is my fear keeping me from the very thing God is after?" He does not care about my religion and my set of rules, He cares about setting me free so that I fully experience just how much He delights in me.

There will be more on this idea of a Love Revolution. For now, I leave you with this simple sonnet from my heart.

I love the wind.
A little girl in my simple yard by the river,
Cross-legged upon the grass on billowy days.

Drawn, inspired, beckoned to by something...No. Someone,
Orchestrating the wind, directing the gusts as rustling melodies.
The breezes kissed my cheeks,
Styled my hair, And I knew!

He was touching me, loving me,delighting in me.
It's just something a kid knows which goes beyond knowledge,
Uncomplicated, honest, pure and authentic.

Over and Over I find He is taking me back
To the childhood place of simple grace, where I recognize His face.
And I rediscover the depths of Love in the wind,
Again,
Again,
And again!

Freedom Thoughts-Grateful Yet Mindful

LET FREEDOM RING AND LET IT RING THROUGH US!

Here we are. The Fourth of July has arrived once again and we have made our plans to celebrate. Happy Birthday America! We have much to give thanks for in our nation, our communities and individual lives. Last night I was reflecting on all the blessings contained in the day. It was a combination of a bunch of little things that just made the day wonderful. And I realize that it is because of the freedoms we have been granted that I was able to enjoy that kind of day. In the closing of a simple and peaceful day, I fell asleep talking to the Lord, listing out all the little gifts He bestowed, and thanking Him for all He did for me.

On the other hand, I awoke this morning with not only an attitude of gratefulness, but also a heavy heart of mindfulness. It is so easy to make special occasions about us and ours. And there is nothing wrong about it. However, when I saw in the news this morning that there are over 25,000 homeless school age children in the state of Arizona, I reminded that I cannot contain myself to me and mine. This tragedy is an 18% increase since just last year.

On the day that our country celebrates freedom, I am mindful that there are many who are having trouble celebrating the meaning of freedom day. The poverty stricken may not feel overly free, but bound up in the present circumstances.

Now I am not trying to rain on any one's parade. However, I personally cannot help this day to think of those who are hurting and suffering. The unemployment rate in the Phoenix area has continued to rise. Charity funds have dropped, therefore people are being turned away. And even churches are having a hard time assisting the needy because many of them are having trouble meeting their own overhead.

Yes, I am thankful and I will celebrate this day the freedom that I have been given. However, I will also lift those who live around me and contemplate the lives of others who may find it difficult to celebrate. Freedom was not granted in order to hoard. It was given that we may pay it forward. How can we share our freedom today that others who are downtrodden my have it too? It may just be a simple word of encouragement. Sit down and write a letter to a friend or loved one who is going through a tough time. Buy a gift for someone "just because". Invite someone you may not know very well into your home for a meal. Spend a few minutes with your family in prayer today for our President, his family and other governmental leaders. Share the gifts God has given you in creative ways. You never know...one gesture of kindness may break a thick chain and set someone free. May Freedom ring and may it ring though us!

This sketch is on my art blog but I decided to put it here too. It is so profound to me and holds a message.

Sometimes when life gets really intense, I find that not only is God doing something great in those around me in spite of the hardship, but He is mostly doing something special in me. I think of the winds of life and the debris of the storm that can come at us unexpectedly. And the force of the wind can seemingly blow off all my covering to where I am vulnerable and exposed. But I know that I am hidden in Christ and that he hugs me tight in the pain. Sometimes He squeezes so hard that He brings to birth beautiful things. So, I think today, when the little ones are resting I will go to a quiet place and find out what He might squeeze out of me today. And....I look forward to creating something meaningful with my Heavenly DAD!

15 Weeks with Twins!

Some of you have not seen me since we have moved. And some of you have been wondering, "How big is she getting?"

Well here ya go curious people. I am 15 weeks today! I feel and look like I am 5 months! But that is normal. I am happy, happy, happy and blessed, blessed, blessed!!