Remembrances

This morning I thought of a Christmas poem I wrote exactly 3 years ago. As I read it, I could not help but think of all that has changed over the past few years. It is amazing how God brings transition into our lives to teach us many things. I must admit that letting go has been an ongoing theme for me. Since this last blog entry was written back in 2006, we lost our house, my husband lost his job, we lost two babies, and moved all the way across the country to Arizona. The changes have been painful, but the Lord wants us to know that He is the One who is consistent.He is the One who does not change. There is no job, career, gift, house, or relationship that will sustain us apart from the One who loves us with an everlasting love.

How much joy and sorrow must have been mixed together when the Lord of light knew that He would send his only son to this earth to live and to die. I wonder if God still thinks on the pain of that reality at times? He has to. He is the God who does not forget anything other that our sin. The angels declared that Emanuel would soon be here. Emanuel is the God who is with you. Totally engaged with you and me. This means His attention is on your heart, mind and entire being.

The heart of God was expressed within the inner chambers of Mary's heart. May you feel His heart beating as you read this blog from 2006.


"I feel a tear rolling down my cheek as I think about the Father and the first Christmas when He sent his beloved Son, Jesus, to enter this earth. How He must have wept tears of joy for the time had finally arrived when He would release the Savior for all mankind into the world. But how He must have cried with sorrow at the same time for He was letting go of His own precious child, dropping Him into a cold and fallen world. How bittersweet as the heart of God ached, yet rejoiced, in this inexplicable exit from glory and awesome arrival into the beginning of life's true redemption story.

As I think about the joys and pains of my own parenting and the process of having to let my children go little by little, I also contemplate this connection to the Father's heart and what He must have suffered but yet gained. As a mother carries a baby in her womb, the child is a part of her; not separate, but wholly connected within her being. Then, after a seemingly long nine months, the child is born and his body is separated from the warmth of his mother's womb.

Subsequently, there is the ongoing process of sitting up, crawling, standing, and walking. Then shortly after, there is kindergarten, grade school, graduation, college, etc....On and on it goes. The progression of separation. How can something so joyous be so painful at the same time?

Even though my oldest child is only fifteen, and I have not fully experienced this process, I feel a small ache within, knowing that it will not be long before he is gone out into the world to walk out the destiny God has laid before him. Then, we will repeat the same process many more times after, with our other children.

Next, my thoughts travel to Mary and how she probably had to battle her own human desire to hold on to this perfect, precious Son, and to never let let Him go. Yet, within her heart, she carried the joyful, but painful truth that this child was born to go forth and to redeem the nations of this world.

How protective she must have been over this dear One knowing she was nurturing the Son of God, yet how piercing to her very soul as she had to release her hold upon this holy child God had entrusted to her care. The gracious, accepting, and loving God, chose to include us in this process of parenting whether we have natural children, spiritual children, or both. For in parenting the ones He has entrusted into our care, we join Him in the bittersweet joys of a parent's pure love for a child.

Great is our God who would let go of His very heart, His Son, that He would manifest His unfailing love for all of His children as He gave up that which He loved the most. For God so loved this world, He so loved His children, that He sent the apple of His eye, the joy of His heart, His precious holy child, that we might someday return to HIm.

As we enjoy this Christmas season, may we simply revel in the simplicity of this first Gift, the Love of a Parent, pure and unblemished. The Father of Glory stooped as a natural father may stoop to have eye contact with his child and relate to that child. The Father knelt down as a father kneels to gather his hurting, crying child, and as a father bends to sit and lay on the floor to roll and play with his son.

Our holy, majestic Father, came down to wrap and swaddle us in His eternal love; to look into our eyes, and to talk with us and to embrace us. He did it through Jesus, and He shares His love moment by moment if we would unite our hearts with His to receive it in its entirety.

May we, likewise, stoop in the same way to love our own children, spiritual or natural, and bow down to enjoy them all through the seasons in which we get to hold them; knowing deep down we are releasing them little by little.

As we look into their eyes, may we see the ocean of the Father's love reflected there. For this is where He is. He waits in the eyes of children that we may grab hold of Him, the ONE we will never have to let go of ! Merry Christmas!

HOLDING ON, LETTING GO

Contently she smiled as she bundled Him up,

Cradling while kissing his face,

Tenderly she whispered the name of her Lord,

As she soothed this bundle of grace.

"Jesus, Jesus." she murmured.

Her heart oozing intense adoration,

Tears of emotion dripped from her face,

As she soaked intricacies of divine creation.

Like any newborn baby,

No hint of Shikinah glory to see,

Ten fingers and toes; soft downy hair,

"Lord , how could all of this be?"

She held in her arms,

the Hope of the Nations,

Anointed Savior of All,

Wonder of Wonders

Humbly born,

In a filthy , cold cattle stall.

She pressed the baby tightly,

against flowing affections,

Breathing in the scent of pure Love.

"Help me Lord, to be his mother,

To keep watch over Heaven's Dove."

Holding on as she swaddled Him,

Knowing what words cannot express.

The time of letting go,

Would come soon enough,

"Will I pass this painful test?'

But for now she would simply treasure,

The Father's first gift of His heart.

Peace and stillness flooded her soul,

Realizing they'd never really be apart.

Holding on, yet letting go,

For now she would simply treasure,

The fullness of the ALL in ALL,

Which separation could never measure.

Gazing into the eyes like a dove's,

An ocean of Heaven within,

Savoring the moment in her heart,

As she pressed God against her again."



Morning Bagel: I am the Lord, I do not change. Malachi 3:6

Daily Hug: Father, this is such a special time of the year. The time when we can ponder the things of Your heart. You do not change. How comforting that simple truth is. The changes of this life can be so unsettling at times. However, I can always run into Your arms. You are always with me. You are Emanuel. What a wonderful thought to know that you are a Father who is engaged with Your children. You are present and You are in tune to the concerns of my heart. You are the gift Lord. You are my Christmas present. I am rich and blessed simply because You are in my life and You have given me life. I love you and I thank you for Christmas...the Season of Hope and Joy! In Jesus Name. Amen