Upheld Within Rumbles and Jumbles

There have been so many random thoughts and reflections stirring in my heart, in my spirit, in my mind. I am full...brimming over with contemplations so deep that I am afraid that my words cannot reach down and scoop up all that inhabits the depth of my meanderings in order to bring them out adequately. But it helps to at least try.

I love to laugh, make jokes, and just skip like a child. However, there is a seemingly bottomless part of my heart that so often dissects a thought or an idea until every organ of that notion is picked apart and laid out for inspection.
However, my favorite place to go is to the heart and mind of God. I guess it is because He is so real to me. I have watched Him do so many things in my short 44 years that I am convinced more each day that my life is not my own. He is constantly weaving His plan into the fabric of my own person and family.

Sometimes I feel like a paralyzed spectator in His activities as I watch His plans unfold. However, I know there is an ongoing beckoning of His heart to my own heart to be an active participant in all He is doing. So we work together...God and me. And I admit that sometimes I resist and act like a spoiled brat.....but He faithfully upholds me. He never discards or writes me off.

This past weekend has been very difficult for our family. There was no big tragedy. However, it was more like four or five little annoying and invisible chiwawas running around in our house nipping at our heels every few moments. Have you ever had days like that? One minute it is one thing, then before you know it feels like all of those little nippers are on you at once trying to pick away your strength and patience. Then it is almost as if the little hyperactive mongrels are chewing up your house until there is nothing but destruction that seemingly can never be cleaned up! No folks I am not referring to my children even though at times I look around at the physical jumbles of toys and teenage muddles of left over snacks and dirty laundry and I wonder. Hmmmm.

So before you make judgements that our home is just a disorderly agglomeration causing distress and chaos, let me elaborate. Yes, we are real people and we do not try to pretend that all is well all the time. It is not. However what I want to continually be reminded of is the delight of One who loves to show up in the midst of topsy-turviness. He is drawn to conflict because He is the one who has the answers. He is the master Problem Solver. And He loves to show up and constantly prove to His kids how loving He is.

Yes, I am often disappointed in myself. And honestly I am sometimes dismayed by the choices of my children and others around me. It is easy as a parent to become caught up in the wind of the moment and feel as though you are being tossed about in the gusts of stress, discouragement,and bewilderment. However, I know that the One who upholds us utilizes the wind of the chaotic moments to thrust us all closer to the end result of who He is making us and calling us to be. It is encouraging to know that God Almighty has set our end from our beginning and that this day, yesterday and last week are only portions of the journey in which He is leading us. I am not defined by what happened this past weekend. My family members as well as myself are all pieces of art not yet completed. And it is in this "knowing" that I can appreciate those masterpieces just as they are in the middle of the process.

And I am pulled up into new planes of perspective when He sets me on His right sturdy wing and gives me a view of what is to be. We look together upon the wider scope of life's map and He says, "See, this is what I am making that one to be. What you thought was the very demise of that child is the very thing I am cultivating for my glory. You must not make assumptions in the "now". You must make declarations of what will be and what they are becoming."

I am edified and enlightened to know that I am blessed when I struggle with seasons of chaos and disorder because I know that God is in it with me. He loves to dwell with me in my messes! And while onlookers may disdainfully exclaim, "Tisk Tisk Tisk...what a shame.", I soar though the wind on wings of grace which uphold me. And I can thrive in peace and rest knowing that He has the Last word of the novel... the last stroke of the artist brush, and the last phrase of the melody.

I dare to be so open with my life. I dare to be honest. But in this I encourage my own heart with added hopes that someone else too can be comforted by the same comfort I receive. Additionally, I am reminded that we are all in the fight together. Its just that our strategies are not all the same. And our God loves a good fist fight, boxing match,and shoot out because He loves to disarm that which would try to destroy, devour or even nip at His kids. Our battle is not against flesh. It is not our husbands, our children, our bosses, neighbors, or friends. It is the invisible chiwawas and ravenous wolves that attempt to rip our hearts apart.

However, we are being fought for and we all know the ending. The journey is not over. And we know that our Father can be counted on to see us through and to uphold us when the journey becomes rough and the path becomes distorted.

Finally, we can relax in the understanding that we can be excited and joyful about this journey as we face the challenges that are inevitable. And I leave my little blogging room with this quote:

"IT IS GOOD TO HAVE AN END TO JOURNEY TOWARDS; BUT IT IS THE JOURNEY THAT MATTERS IN THE END." Ursula K.Le Guin