Monday, February 9, 2009

Morning Ruminations

It is Monday morning and I am thinking about how busy this week is probably going to be. My in-laws will be arriving on Saturday for a week long visit. Not only are we going to be cleaning and cooking, but we are packing for a 2 day trip up to the Grand Canyon. It will probably be pretty cold up there. However, I am looking very forward to the trip. It is amazing to me how the evolutionists think that the canyon is millions of years old and was formed by years of erosion. However, creationists believe the Grand Canyon is only 6000 years old and was handcrafted by God Himself. I side with the later and am looking forward to receiving a message from the Creator Himself when I actually see the deep and wide canyon. I cannot help but wonder what the canyon symbolizes. Maybe God put it there so we could experience some sense of how deep and wide His love is for us. The Grand Canyon is one the greatest wonders of the world. And of course the love of God is the greatest wonder of the entire universe. Anyway, you can be assured that we will have a lot of photos. I cannot wait to share them with you.

Speaking of the love of God, I just want to share a small experience with you. It was a big deal to me. However, if one little thing in my life can encourage someone I want to be open to share. A week ago, I blogged about hearing the voice of God . I shared my frustration in how I sometimes try to listen too hard or I get too distracted to even hear at all. The quote I put in the photo said, "His ability to speak is much greater than my ability to hear." Once again I experienced this truth.

I was feeling very sad last week. There were moments on and off when I would even start crying. My first thought was that maybe it was hormones. However, I kept asking God why I was feeling that way. Many times I think we do not ask God "why" as we may think it is a sign of weakness or even defiance of God's authority. But the Lord is so gentle and kind that I believe He truly wants us to inquire of Him in even our most hidden and tender internal pains.

As a mom, some of the greatest understanding I have received of God's love has been either in the shower, tub, or on the toilet. (Just being real here!) Maybe it is because I am still and immobile in those places! Smile. So as I was showering the other morning, I was impressed to think about the date. It was February 5th. Suddenly and miraculously I recalled one of the babies we lost to miscarriage in 2007. Had this child been born into the earth, it would be her first birthday. The Lord showed me that my sadness was coming from this loss even though I did not make the connection. Isn't it amazing that sometimes our inner hurts are hidden from our own understanding?

I began to weep thinking about what we were missing. This child whom we named "Joy" would probably be walking and saying her first words. I just prayed and thanked the Lord for showing me. Peace flooded my heart as I once again remembered how important this life was and is. She is with her Father God thriving in safety and happiness. Three months after we lost this baby we lost another baby to miscarriage. We named this child "Promise". When we went for one of the ultrasounds, the embryo looked like a diamond ring. We could see the baby's heart beating. After we found out that we had lost this child, I really felt the Lord say that He promised that I would hold these babies one day and that they are waiting on me.

This is not easy to write about. Some judge and think, "Aren't you over that already?" The answer to that question is somewhat.The Lord has healed me but there will always be tender scars to keep my heart soft and open toward the hurting and needy. And there will always be moments when I will feel sad about what could have been.

In light of being so vulnerable to whoever may read this post,I want to honor these little lives today. I want to recognize the babies I lost and say thank you. I am a better person because of the sorrow. And I want to declare that if a mere person like me could love so deeply, then how much more the Father loves. My heart is bigger as God has expanded my capacity to love my own children more and to be open to love in whatever capacity He makes available.

As a testimony of His grace, my eyes have been opened to the needs around me. Just in the state of Arizona there are close to 8000 children who have been removed from their homes because of drugs, neglect or abuse. Only half of these precious lives are placed in foster homes. The remaining children are left in the care of shelters with no one to love them or hold them. I am angry and perplexed by the number of fatherless children in our nation. And we the believers should be the ones doing something about it.

I also believe that where there is love there is hunger and thirst for righteousness in our land. It sometimes hurts to care so much. And it many times makes me angry for the injustices of the unborn children who are aborted and the children who are removed from their homes. God has stretched my heart and I am looking forward to what He has in store for our family in the future. I am thankful for the losses I have encountered. Grateful am I that I can love with an open heart. It is all because of Him, our gracious and compassionate God. To Him be the glory!

Morning Bagel: We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us,because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us. Romans 5:2-5 (NIV)

Daily Hug:Lord it is so hard to comprehend how deep and vast Your love really is. You laid yourself down. You came as a little baby, in the smallest and weakest form of humanity. You lived humbly as You grew into a man. You served your earthly father, mother, brothers and sisters. You left all of your glory to reside with us. Then you gave your very life so that your heart could beat within our very hearts. This love is unfathomable but yet so real and true. Too many times I have taken this for granted Lord and I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you for touching my heart and showing me even through painful times, how deep and real Your love really is. In Jesus Name. Amen.

1 comment:

Ange said...

Thank you to those of you who sent me kind emails regarding this post. It is encouraging to know you care and that you read the blogs. God Bless you ! If you want to leave a comment it is easy to open a google account. You do not have to start a blog to leave comments. Love Ange