Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Today I Feel......Alone

There are those days when we are down and feel alone. Then we may feel guilty and accuse our own heart of having a pity party and being self focused. Honestly though I do feel alone today. I am grateful, but discouraged...can both exist at the same time? I guess so because I am experiencing it. And yes, maybe I am having a pity party...but I am human.

Sometimes I feel like people watch because secretly they really want to see you fall so they can say, "AHA...I told you so." You really do not sense that others want to see you succeed and have a fruitful life especially when your life is a bit different from theirs. That is enough to sometimes make me want to shut my heart to all people.

There are really not many cheerleaders on your team when you are a bit different from them. Do people forget that all people have feelings? Others can be so aloof and cold and hurtful.

It is difficult not to become like one of them when I mostly try to be the opposite. I am not one to withhold encouragement. I am not one to judge others for difficulties they are going through. And I try to show kindness to all. No, I am not saying I am perfect, but I do attempt to treat others as I would like to be treated.

Sometimes I feel like people who are supposed to be there for you really have never been. And I have to forgive them over and over. And when I feel alone, I feel so bad for feeling that way. Most people would say, "Suck it up!"

Well all I have to say to that is, "I am a human being with a heart that sometimes hurts." So if someone is telling me to suck it up, then they are not a good friend.

I am learning more and more that people do not want counsel, they want understanding. So I am learning more and more to keep my mouth shut and to listen to the cries of their hearts.

And I have to continue to give....without strings attached, because that is what the Lord does. The world mostly wants to get something from someone. And so many give because they hope to get something back. I do not want to be that way...

So folks there you have it...a heart at home...not always up to par! Sometimes weak, sometimes discouraged and weary, sometimes lonely. I am real....I am me with weaknesses and strengths. To pretend to be otherwise would be a life of lies.

When I am weak, He is strong. So I know my Lord is on stand by. I have called for Him. He will show up soon.

Now on a lighter note! I am such a noodler! Jumping in my thoughts...from here to there....Here is my autumn table! I am such a frugal freak. I bought a 6 dollar silk mum on sale at Michael's. And everything else I pretty much had already! I stuck the little scarecrow in the flower myself. Everything else on the table came from the infamous DOLLAR TREE!!! I love the fall, even though we are still having 100 degree weather here in Arizona, the evenings are cooling down nicely! John and the boys cleaned up the spa this past weekend, so the kids are enjoying getting in at night! And I do not have to give as many baths!!! Oh the terrible Mom I!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing in my life today! Thanks for letting me be me...simple me!

Love to all,



Karen said...

Oh Ange,

I so understand this post! This sounds so much like me. I pray that the Lord will hold you close. Please know that you are in my prayers also!

By the way, I just love your table. I love Fall things too!

Hugs to You,

kblair said...

Here's a great big hug all the way from Georgia *HUG*! Hope it makes your heart feel better.

I tried to comment on the Jamie story post today at work and the stupid computer wouldn't take my log in. So I sent him an email. Make sure he checks it.

Love you girl!

Ange said...

Thank you Karla and both are so precious! Always encouraging and thinking of others. I am blessed to have your friendships.