Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I Never Stop Learning


I love to write about things that are going on in my family because recording things reminds me every time that I am not in control. Once again I recall that God has his hand on all of His children. And remembering that we never stop learning about His sufficiency and grace is an indescribable strength to my soul.

I am a woman of God. I am a wife and mother. And I love to do many other things in addition to caring for others. In having a lot of responsibilities, I sometimes tend to lean toward my own strength instead of letting go and allowing greater measures of God's grace to flow in my life.

My hope is that in some way not only will I continue to be reminded of the importance of God's grace but that encouragement will find its way to the heart of another. Not because my life is perfect and all is in order. But because a dependent heart that many times feels weak and vulnerable is a heart where God shows His might and ability. That is the place I want to always be. And if weeping a lot in the midst of my weakness and feelings of inadequacy causes Him to show more of Himself to me, then let the tears keep rolling.

Many people do not understand why my dear husband and I have opened our hearts to having so many children. To be honest, I do not understand it myself at times. But with each child God has brought our way, it has been like a stretch of stress that has enlarged our hearts and arms for more children. It is something that the logical mind cannot contain.Most of the time my brain cells cannot even wrap around it.

The other night I watch a program on the Discovery Channel about a little girl who was born with no face. She had already been through 26 surgeries and was only 5 years old. In constructing her little face, the doctors had to do a separate surgery on her back inserting some type of device to stretch the skin. This extra skin would be used to build up her cheeks helping to give her face a shape.My heart was moved by the courage and strength of this tiny girl and her family.

However, as I thought about the procedure I thought about what a great picture that is of how stress,stretching and pain can enlarge our hearts for more. I feel like God has been stretching the invisible muscles of my heart, grafting me with more of His heart, and placing greater measures of love in me that could never be my own love.

Another lesson I have learned is that loss many times causes your heart to grow larger. In 2007 we lost two babies to miscarriage. The journey of grief is a disguised gift which gives one a greater appreciation of the things that matter in this short time we have on earth. And in our case, our hearts somehow grew bigger to the point where we were willing to open our home to any children that needed one. We had been praying about becoming foster parents when we found out we were expecting the twins.

As we await the birth of two more babies around the holidays, my heart is as swollen as my belly. Yet I have doctors orders to stay off my feet. So as I rest, He shows me more of Him. And I am the student ever more. This has been my lesson in the school of life. God does not give us more based on how great we can handle it alone. He gives us more when we graduate to a higher level of leaning, depending, and running to Him. That is where He is glorified and we are empowered.This is a truth that goes ever deeper with each step we make. It is a truth we have heard.Yet it is never of substance until we live it. May I never stop being teachable and reachable from the grasp of His grace!! Maybe this all sounds "syrupy". But lets face it, the deep things of the heart are the things that beat within the chambers of the Divine Heart. The most lovely heart of all.

2 comments:

Alexis Pereyra said...

Maria said

God bless you in a very special way, I read your blog and is truly a blessing, an inspiration to me. May this beautiful relation with your Lord and Savior never change.

kblair said...

Spoken so well. I love your tender heart for God. Thank you so much for sharing it all!!
Praying diligently for you and your girls...