Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday Morning Random Musings

It is a sunny morning here in Arizona. Every morning here is sunny. However, the rays penetrate the windows and curtains as though there holds a message in its golden brilliance. Seems as though light is scattering more broadly in my heart bringing greater understanding and abundant peace as to why we are way out West living in this unique and mysterious state. My husband is getting ready to reach his one year mark in his place of employment. It has been a puzzling and somewhat lonely year. Yet God in His providence has a great purpose in this season of our lives. I am seeing glimpses of the blessings unfolding as a rose bud adorned in fresh dew.

The other day, I heard a quote that continues to stick with me. It states, "God does not want our best. He wants our humility so He can give us HIS best." This was a huge moment for me as I pondered this powerful statement. How many times have I prayed to God that I just want to be pleasing to Him? And in my limited logic, I think of all the "do's" I can perform to make me more endearing to my Father.

As we have been adjusting to life in the desert, it has been a wilderness year so to speak. God has provided so much for us in the physical realm. However, there have been many days when my own heart and spirit have felt as dry and cracked as the desert we live in. And I have thirsted and searched for the meaning of it all.

Like an onion, I am being peeled, layer by layer of all the things God has not desired to cloak me. He has been setting me free. And I joyfully look back over this past year with satisfaction that He has done a great work within. Of course He is not finished, but I have come a long way. In a sense, He has brought me into a wilderness to test me and to show me what is in my heart. God does not really give us a test to see if we will fail, but to show us where we have been off and what needs to be corrected. Had He not brought us here, there are so many things about Him I may have never realized. And His greatest desire is that all people would see Him clearly for who He really is.

I am finally in a place where I really do not worry so much if others think I am off in my walk with the Lord. Who am I to answer and explain that to anyone? My companionship with Him is between me and Him. And as each layer of the onion is peeled the aroma has stung my eyes and I have cried plenty of tears as each layer is discarded.

So many times I have felt like God was scrutinizing my every move tallying my actions into two columns. Column one is where He would grant me a mark for doing something pleasing to Him. In column two He would mark all the things unpleasing to Him. And at the end of the day I would wonder if I did enough to be on His good side.

Honestly, I wonder how many others are out there who would be willing to admit that they too have had this warped understanding of the Father's love based on our personal performance rather than His grace and goodness.

I have resolved in my heart that I have always lived in the favor of God. Even when I was not living for Him and seeking Him, I was favored by Him because He was working in my life to draw me step by step into His eternal embrace. However, as I seemingly grew in my relationship with Him, I began to live as though there was some favor line in which I measured my life.

For example, if something went wrong, I would begin to question what I did wrong to bring displeasure to the Lord. And when things were great, I would pat myself on the back thinking I must be living obediently. Dear ones, how wrong I was in my thinking. Now I can say to anyone. "If you are going through hardship, you are favored by God. If you are in a time of abundance and things are going well, you are in the favor of God."

There is no favor line or score keeping with God. His love and blessings are based on "Who" He is, not on the "whats" of my performance. You are in the favor of God, and I am in the favor of God. Why must we walk through each day as though we are on a tight rope or on a bed of pins and needles?

As I am infiltrated more and more by the revelation of His love for me, I shed this binding deceit,and I grow to love Him more. The result is transformation based on a love story unfolding each moment, not a set of regulations that God never created.

Well, you can tell I am seriously expressing my random thoughts this morning. It is like a drink of pure spring water to my parched soul to paint these pictures with my words. The words are like a glue that helps me to paste my thoughts together. My heart is an ocean and many things have laid dormant at its unseemigly unreachable floor. And I know that the random musings will continue and time travels on. So I am off to diapers, dishes, and teaching! This is going to be a great day!

1 comment:

Alexis Pereyra said...

maria said...
May the Lord continue to bless you with his sweet presence. I enjoy this post is has so much true to it. I can relate to it. your blog his a blessing. Glory to God. Thank you Jesus for loving us the way you do.
God bless your family.